An Obituary for the M's -- Bring a Fork

Stick Another Fork in a Mariners Season

Fork, meet the 2018 Seattle Mariners.  Mariners, fork. 

This season is mathematically not quite over, but for all intents and purposes it ended about the time the rest of us were lighting fireworks and barbecuing ribs on the 4th of July. A little later than usual for most M’s teams, but with a desultory thud nonetheless.

What’s different about this season than the 16 others that have preceded it without sniffing the playoffs is that this year the M’s suckered us hook, line and sinker early in the year only to spit us out like a trout shaking a fly after the All-Star break.  I’ll admit it, I even got duped.  I started believing in this team – and as sure as we can count on the Seahawks looking bewildered on Day One of the NFL season -- the Mariners let us all down again.

How did this happen?  Let me count the ways:

1.       Our $24MM a year 2nd baseman thought he could outsmart the drug sniffers in MLB and got busted for 80 games.  Thank you, Robbie. (Cano Blog).

2.       Our $18.5MM a year 3rd baseman failed to bat his weight again for the third year in a row.  Kyle Seager is literally incapable of hitting a ball hard when it matters…but boy just wait until we’re officially out of the playoffs – he’ll be the second coming of Ty Cobb.

3.       Our $26MM ace pitcher decided he didn’t need to learn to, well, actually pitch, in order to have a career that stretched into his mid-30’s.  And now that King Felix has turned into a pauper with a 90 mph fastball (sometimes) and virtually no other pitches, he’s not only not a top pitcher – he’s a liability.

We can thank Jack Zduriencik for the fact we are on now on the hook for nearly $70 million a year in salaries for three players who either can’t play anymore or don’t have the will or intelligence to adapt their game to suit their declining physical abilities.  Oh, and we mortgaged our future by giving away all our minor league talent during Jackie Z’s reign of stupididness, too.  The gift that keeps on giving.

But let’s not save it all for Zduriencik.  Jerry DiPoto and Scott Servais – hailed as geniuses by so many so called sports pundits just a few months ago -- have “batted to their cards” in the second half of the season.  The win/loss record since both of these guys got their multi-year extensions is hovering around .400%.  Now THAT’s Mariners baseball!

DiPoto did worse than swing and miss at the trade deadline – the man who never met a deal he couldn’t make – didn’t even take a swing at a pitch.  Instead of picking up another desperately needed starter or bona fide 7th inning guy to set-up Colume’ and Diaz, DiPoto reeled in Adam Warren and Zach Duke. There’s a reason why the Yankees and Twins parted with these two chops…they’re both terrible.

And Servais couldn’t light fire in the clubhouse if someone gave him a gallon of gas and a flamethrower.  If I had a dollar for every time Servais said, “…well, the ball just didn’t bounce our way tonight, but that’s why we play 162 games…” I’d be a thousandaire.  Where is Lou Piniella when we need him?  He’s certainly not in the M’s dugout.  I honestly want to see Servais throw some bats and coolers onto the field and get in players faces … I dunno, at least once this season.  I know, however, that he will disappoint me in this regard, as he has in so many others.

And someone please explain to me who made the brilliant decision to send Ben Gamel to Tacoma, hitting .290, and keep Heredia on the big league squad (hitting .215) at the precise moment our offense decided to take the rest of the summer off?  As they say, whatever DiPoto and Servais were smoking when that decision was made – I want some.

But this is what our home town team has specialized in now for nearly two decades: disappointment, lackluster play and bonehead decisions.  In fact, that may be the one thing that we can really count on with the Ms year in and year out.  Just when we think they’ve turned the corner and lanced the playoff-less boil, they pull a disappearing act, revert to form and go out with a whimper.

Worst of all – because the cupboard is bare and no GM in his or her right mind would ever take players like Seager and the King with their bloated salaries and anemic stats, I don’t hold out a lot of hope for a resurgence anytime soon. 

Does anyone have a fork I can borrow?